I was brought back down to earth today. I was fixated on the idea that all would work out and be fine. I really thought that I wouldn’t be so naive.
Postponing the wedding.
It was planned for December. Nothing big or anything.
I… I don’t even really know what to say about it. Yesterday, I was shopping for wedding dresses. Today, I’m sitting in front of the computer, on tumblr, wondering why nothing in my life has ever turned out as planned. I wasn’t asking for much. I don’t need a ring or a ceremony or anything, but… I don’t know. I’m quite, well, upset and confused and pissed off. I don’t know.
Like almost every girl, I started to plan for my wedding when I was young. Simple dress. Simple wedding. Simple everything. Of course, all the glitz and glamor and the possibility of Italy is all wonderful, but not what I need. I found my other half, my soul mate. I guess, well of course, marriage isn’t needed at this point in my life. I’m already struggling with so much else. How do I put it into words? We knew from the moment we saw each other, after those long years, that that was it. We wanted a life together. Why put it off when we want to begin our lives together as soon as we can? I just… wish the world wasn’t fighting against us.
1,500 miles is so far. It’s so hard. Every day, my thoughts get worse and I question myself. My depression creeps back into the cracks of my life. Yes, I am still me, but… why… why…
If I could ask god, fate, the world for one thing, it would be to allow me this opportunity to be with the man who is my everything. I don’t even need a wedding. We can live in a box. I’ll give up my job. I won’t go to school. I’ll give away my possessions. Just whymust the world fight against my happiness, ourhappiness.
I’m sorry for the pity party. I just… needed to get this down…
4 notes · #vent #words #rant #personal #alchemy-index #misterpigglewiggles #wedding #love #depression
- alchemy-index reblogged this from starvingheart and added:
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- arbogasm said: Things will work out if you keep faith. Sometimes though, you can’t sit there waiting for something to happen. Sometimes, you have to take matters into your own hands. Also, distance just means you have to work harder for what you want.
- starvingheart posted this