I was brought back down to earth today. I was fixated on the idea that all would work out and be fine. I really thought that I wouldn’t be so naive.

Postponing the wedding.

It was planned for December. Nothing big or anything.

I… I don’t even really know what to say about it. Yesterday, I was shopping for wedding dresses. Today, I’m sitting in front of the computer, on tumblr, wondering why nothing in my life has ever turned out as planned. I wasn’t asking for much. I don’t need a ring or a ceremony or anything, but… I don’t know. I’m quite, well, upset and confused and pissed off. I don’t know.

Like almost every girl, I started to plan for my wedding when I was young. Simple dress. Simple wedding. Simple everything. Of course, all the glitz and glamor and the possibility of Italy is all wonderful, but not what I need. I found my other half, my soul mate. I guess, well of course, marriage isn’t needed at this point in my life. I’m already struggling with so much else. How do I put it into words? We knew from the moment we saw each other, after those long years, that that was it. We wanted a life together. Why put it off when we want to begin our lives together as soon as we can? I just… wish the world wasn’t fighting against us.

1,500 miles is so far. It’s so hard. Every day, my thoughts get worse and I question myself. My depression creeps back into the cracks of my life. Yes, I am still me, but… why… why…

If I could ask god, fate, the world for one thing, it would be to allow me this opportunity to be with the man who is my everything. I don’t even need a wedding. We can live in a box. I’ll give up my job. I won’t go to school. I’ll give away my possessions. Just whymust the world fight against my happiness, ourhappiness.

I’m sorry for the pity party. I just… needed to get this down…